since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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