He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Sorry my hands just texted you
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize