she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
