Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
