Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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