Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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