woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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