I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
