I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
