and you said cock pushups were impossible
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
