I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
