why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
