She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
