My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
we made out on top of his cat.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
