Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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