god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
