I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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