just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
