I wish I could punch you in the face.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
They took my balls.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
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