Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
