I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
she peed on how many people?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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