Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
