my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize