How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
