Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
