Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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