We got so high we made milksteak
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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