there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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