how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
