Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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