life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
