I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
