I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
