life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
