Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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