I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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