Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
