Sry I called you an 8
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
