spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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