Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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