I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
