ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize