All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
