She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
