somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
high people should be assigned attendants
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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