i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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