dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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