Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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