I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
