rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
bring money and cleavage
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
