At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
