how can u be prego again
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
