just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
