Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
