I feel like I'm in dance class right now
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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