Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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