you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
