Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
