No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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