Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
