tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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