Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
