I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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