The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
