I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize