ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
