i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
