he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
