he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
