Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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