It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
